NeS2 Post 1862
NeS2 Post 1862 continues Britt the Legend where Britt and the crew of the rocket are still in orbit around the planet Espa-ñol. Polly requires entry to refuel but the official refuses on the grounds of illegal immigration and tells them they'll need a green card or visa to land after five months processing time. Britt gets angry and is determined to land now so they fire missiles at the ship. As the ship is down through the planet's atmosphere, the American Hulk bursts through the wall of the rocket and destroys the missiles. The ship lands in a lake and a posse of native Espa-ñolers gather to catch the illegal immigrants. Polly gets a gun but Britt resorts, instead, to his tasseomancy while Polly shoots and Kaptin Kwanza fights. Ohqeanos Simon hid the whole time but seems jealous that Polly responds positively to Britt's tea-wielding powers. In the end they decide to escape using the posse's horses and Ohqeanos much share Kwanza's horse because he doesn't know how to ride. Listening to the audiobook of Britt the Legend, Arkng Thand takes a small break to listen to a report from Thrawn42689 who reveals that Angela Langley has been trying to get information from the White House. Thrawn suggests eliminating her but Thand allows her to get some information to keep her invested as he believes the Taxman, and those working for him, will never capitulate to the social media craze they are using to control the populace. Post Britt: The Legend - Chapter Thirty-Three Britt: The Legend - Chapter Thirty-Three As the rocket drew closer to the planet an incoming signal from the surface came through the rocket's radio. Planet Security: "Unregistered spacecraft. You're entering the atmosphere of the planet Espa-ñol and you don't have the necessary credentials." The man spoke with a thick Mexican accent. Britt and the group all look at each other expectantly. Polly rolled her eyes and decided she'd have to speak on behalf of the group. She leant over and squeezed between the two front chairs where Britt and Ohqeanos were seated. Both men turn to look at her figure as she picked up the radio transceiver. Polly: "Do you two mind?" Ohqeanos, embarrassedly and quickly, turns away. Britt, on the other hand, shrugs his shoulders and puts on a mock expression of surprise. She pushed the button the radio. Polly: "Hullo there. My name's Polly. How're you today?" Her voice had changed into something resembling a flight attendant. Planet Security: "Uh... I'm fine, thank you Polly." Polly: "That's good to know. Our rocket ship has accidentally found itself in orbit around your planet and we need to land and refuel." Planet Security: "We're having a major problem with illegal immigrants jumping over the border and seeking work on our planet, Polly. You can't land here without the necessary documentation from the Department of Work and Pensions. Do you possess a Green Card?" Polly: "Can we obtain one on the planet's surface?" Planet Security: "No." Polly: "Then how can we get one?" Planet Security: "You have to file documentation proving who you are, where you're from and what you intend to do on our planet. It'll then get processed and we'll post you your visa in, perhaps, five months." Britt: "FIVE M--!!" Britt snatched the radio from Polly. Britt: "Now see here, cretin! There's no way in buggery I'm sitting up here for the next five months! We're landing this God-forsaken rocket this instant. Do you understand me?" Ohqeanos: "I really don't think you should have said that..." Planet Security: "I'm sorry to inform you that landing permission has been denied. Missiles have now been targeted on your spacecraft and you'll be blown to bits in the next, approximately, ten minutes. After this transmission ends, would you care to spend five minutes answering a brief questionnaire about the quality of service that you've received today?" Amidst a series of expletives from Britt, the warning signals on the rocket announced that something big and deadly was headed their way. Ohqeanos, with little other option, plunged the rocket straight towards the planet's surface. Flames erupted around the craft as it broke into the atmosphere. Planet Security: "We see you're still trying to breach our planet. I must inform you that, should you survive our missile defences - however unlikely that is - we'll despatch military personnel to collect your heads and put them on pikes outside the Sagrada Familia, one of our best-loved tourist attractions." Britt: "Why do I always end up in situations like this?" Kaptin: "You mean you often end up on a rocket, hurtling through the atmosphere of an alien planet with the threat of your head being mounted on display as a family-friendly attraction?" Britt: "Not quite so specifically, Kaptin!" One of the missiles exploded close to the rocket which sent vibrations throughout the craft and Britt's skull felt like it was rattling. Suddenly, the American Hulk broke free of his seatbelt and went stomping to the rear of the rocket. Hulk: "AAAAAAAMERICA!!!!!" He booted the wall of the rocket and it split open like tracing paper. Fortunately they were closer to the ground now and the flames that had previously been eating away at the exterior of the ship had dissipated. The sudden draft, however, threatened to suck anyone not strapped into their seats, out of the breach. Which basically meant the Hulk. Britt watched the scanner. The Hulk blip went flying through the sky until it connected with one of the missile blips. The missile blip disappeared. The Hulk went flying to the next missile blip. It also disappeared. And the next. And the final one. Britt: "That's really something. Now let's hope we all survive the fall..." The rocket went head-first straight into the middle of a massive lake. Water erupted upwards and created a shower of fresh water over the local area. People from the nearby town all dashed out to see what was happening. They stared at the rippling lake water which was unsettled at first but eventually stilled. The townsfolk approached with trepidation, sensing the people aboard the rocket were likely dead. But suddenly heads popped up out of the water. Townsfolk #1: "Looks like we got ourselves more of them God-damn illegal immigrants. We should fetch the sheriff." Townsfolk #2: "Looks like we'll be gettin' together a posse this evening, hoo-wee!" The townsfolk quickly headed back to the town while Britt, Ohqeanos, Polly and Kaptin scrambled out of the lake. Where the American Hulk had gotten to was anybody's guess. Britt: "Please remind me why I agreed to come along with you people?" Kaptin: "ADVENTURE!!" Britt: "You're like a one-track record, you know that?" Ohqeanos: "How do you know what a record is?" Britt: "Quiet you!" Polly: "What a strange-looking place." Ohqeanos: "Looks like we've stepped onto the set of WesternWestern (genre) article, Wikipedia. movie..." The town, indeed, looked straight out of the Wild West movie productions. However there were some differences. Machines were present, mostly belching plumes of steam and sporting lots of clockwork. A car pumping out black clouds from its exhaust and its cog-wheels churned up the dusty road. The driver wore leather aviator gear, scarf and all. A steam-punk Western world. President Thand removed his headphones and paused Britt: The Legend audiobook so that he could listen to Thrawn42689, his digital aide. Thrawn42689: "Master. Yet another request for information has been logged by Angela Langley of Proctor Research. Might I advise liquidation?" Thand smiles to himself. Sometimes he actually enjoyed playing games with certain intelligent individuals. President Thand: "This time, Thrawn, give her a little sometime. Just a small snippet to keep her interested." Thrawn42689: "I deem this Agent to be a liability, Master. We have control over much of the population, they have bent firmly to our will... except for individuals at Proctor Research. Somehow your old adversary is keeping them safe from our social media control..." President Thand: "I expected as much, Thrawn. No need to concern yourself. The Taxman will forever be a thorn in my side. But this way, I know what he is doing and therefore I can predict his actions. If we put a stop to this Proctor Research game he's playing, then there is no telling what he will do instead." Thrawn42689: "I understand." President Thand: "Very good." Thrawn42689: "Also, before you resume your audiobook, Justin Bieber is requesting a break from his promotional duties." President Thand: "Denied. He's a danger to the world. Better to keep him in line." Thrawn42689: "Very well. And finally Vice-President Shwartzenegger is ready to begin his tour of Europe and is asking if we should attempt to expand our social media control into those territories?" President Thand: "Affirmative. We can't rely on those new leaders springing up out there to defend the NeS sufficiently. Now, if there's nothing else?" Britt: The Legend - Continued A laser blast pinged off of the rock that Britt was hiding behind and shattered bits of stone down onto him. Britt: "Bloody blinking flip!" Polly, next to him, popped up to fire back. Her good old fashioned bullet-based pistol sounded out like the smack of a hammer. Britt heard the tell-tale yelp of a wounded man. Britt: "Well done! I don't suppose you considered bringing more than one gun with you?" Polly: "Of course not! We were supposed to be going to my homeworld, not some crazy cowboy world filled with gun-toting lunatics!" Britt: "Right... except I've been to your homeworld and that place as a person-chewing god-face-bird-thing! Might have been good to have guns there too!" Polly grunts in frustration with Britt's nagging. She pulled out her whip and lashed out towards one of the cowboy posse shooting at them. She snagged a man's arm and yanked on the whip. His rife fell to the dirt and she once again used her whip to snatch up the rifle and pull it back to her. She took over again and thrust the rifle in Britt's direction. He held his hands out and stared at it. Britt: "Actually, I have a confession to make. I have no idea how to use this thing." Polly: "I'm tempted to throw you out there to get shot up while I run for it!" Britt: "Such a charming lass you are, Polly." Britt slowed his breathing for a moment and closed his eyes. He held out his hands. Britt: "My body is readyMy Body is Ready article, Know Your Meme.." Polly: "Excuse me?" He sprang to his feet and leapt over the rock, much to the astonishment of Polly, who faltered in her shooting. Once she regained her composure, she started covering fire. Britt hands whirled as jets of boiling hot tea rained down upon the cowpokes armed with steam-punk laser rifles. Shouts, screams and complaints emitted from the Espa-ñolers. Some dove into a crevice that protected them from the rain, but Britt wasn't to be outdone. He waved his hands around as though doing Tai ChiTai Chi article, Wikipedia.'' and let out a jet of tea that snaked around the crevice and dove inside, boiling those unfortunate enough to be hiding in there.'' With the calamity over, Polly jogged over to Britt and bore, a seemingly rare, smile. Polly: "Now that was something else, Britt! I'm beginning to see there's more to you than you let on!" Ohqeanos and Kaptin also approach. Kaptin had been engaged in a one-on-one fight to the death with one of the possemen, while Ohqeanos had to hide behind his own rock. He appeared ashamed of himself and upset by Polly's sudden interest in Britt. Britt: "All in a days work. They do call me Britt the Best, you know?" Kaptin: "Never heard anyone call you that before." Britt: "Shut it, Kaptin!" Polly: "Let's get out of here before anyone comes looking for use. We'll avoid this town but there's got to be another one not far away. We can steal their horses." Kaptin: "Sounds like a plan!" Britt and Kaptin rounded up the horses. They both jumped up onto their new steeds and Polly did likewise. Ohqeanos held the reigns to his horse but didn't climb up. He just stared at it. Britt: "Uh... dude." Ohqeanos: "I..." Britt: "What?" Ohqeanos: "I don't know how to ride one..." Polly: "Useless." Ohqeanos felt like he was a major disappointment. He had no idea what to do. Polly: "You'll have to ride with one of us." At that he perked up a little, thinking he'd get to ride with her! Polly: "Ride with the skeleton. He barely weighs anything." Kaptin: "I've been watching my figure recently." Ohqeanos, sullenly, climbed up onto the horse behind Kaptin Kwanza. He had no idea what he should hold onto and, before he knew it, the three horses were galloping across the dirtlands. References External References